Ouija (2014)

Director:Stiles White

Writers: Juliet Snowden (screenplay), Stiles White (screenplay)
Stars: Olivia Cooke, Ana Coto, Daren Kagasoff, Bianca A. Santos. Douglas Smith and Shelley Hennig

After the untimely loss of their friend, a group of friends attempt to contact her spirit through her Ouija board she had been playing with before she passed. They soon realize they've made a terrible mistake once the spirit begins to manifest itself in disturbing ways. 

There is no way this could end poorly.

I just really want movie makers to give more fucks! Is that too much to ask? Yeah, so I watched this. I had my hopes up because I thought this was going to be somewhat of a remake of the 1986 horror classic Witchboard, I was sorely mistaken. This is just a run of the mill horror film a studio thoughtlessly churned out to have a cash cow for the Halloween season. Almost ZERO thought was put into making this movie and it shows in almost every aspect. 

So much denim...

The beginning of the film shows a hot blonde girl named Debbie (Shelley Hennig) burning an Ouija board. I really kinda wish that was then ending, but it kept going. For some reason her friend, Laine (Olivia Cooke), is calling her from in front of her house asking her where she is. Here's a fucking thought! RING THE DOORBELL!!! I don't know why this scene made me so mad, but it did! WHY ARE YOU CALLING HER! I'd understand if Laine was in a car waiting for her to come out, but she's not! She's literally in her front yard calling her. Whatever, moving on. So after burning this Ouija board, Debbie goes outside to see Laine and their all like "OMG! Like, are you going to the basketball game?" "Like, no, I'm going to stay home." "Like, are you okay? OMG?" "Yah, I've been playing with a Ouija board and it's totally weird." "OMG Bye!" "Bye!'

The wardrobe department just raided a guy's closet from the 90's.

So Laine and Debbie talk and Debbie is being all weird, she doesn't go to some basket ball game with Laine, so Laine goes on without her. Debbie then has some bullshit experience in the kitchen with a door opening and a burner turning itself on. After that she goes upstairs, sees the Ouija board she thought she had burnt on her bed. She picks up the planchette, looks through the glass thingy, takes some decorative Christmas lights from her room, still lit up and hangs herself. That's the beginning. 

As the movie goes on, Laine, her younger sister and her friends, decide to play with the Ouija board because they're looking for closure. They each begin having disturbing events and they also begin dying one by one. It's pretty obvious from the get-go who's going to live and who's going to die. Now, lets talk about my problems with this film. 

"Sure! Dolls are creepy! Lets throw a doll in there for fun!" - Movie Makers

So after Debbie hangs herself with Christmas lights that were decorating her room, they show her room again when Laine is having a heart to heart with Debbie's mother, THE LIGHTS ARE THERE. WTF?!?!?! Either she got new lights to put in her dead daughter's room, or she used the damn lights her daughter's suicide. Whatever. We're also not really sure what age these kids are. We know that have classes and stuff, but it isn't until they show them in a hallway with lockets that we're sure they're in high school. Sooo... where are their parents? In the beginning of the movie, Laine's father goes on some business trip or something, leaving her to care for her younger sister who's supposed to be like... 15? 16? WE DON'T KNOW! Nothing is explained to us. They're not helping us connect to these characters at all. And it's not like these kids look like they're in their teens. None of them look the age they're portraying. They all look like they're in their early-late 20's. 

You fucked up your mouth gurl. 

It also shows one of the "teens" working at a diner, she leaves, goes home and... no ones there? Really? Where are the parents? Another kid dies when he comes home, no one's there. WTF? And they're allowed to roam about freely at all hours of the night, all over town? I really don't understand. I guess kids are more independent these days??? I don't know. I can't even blame the sub-par acting on the actors, I blame the material they were given. All the characters were poorly written and developed. 

Of course we need a creepy kid! Why not!

As far as the horror goes, it's pretty good. There were definitely some scenes that gave me the creeps. The scary bits were done very well, for this I give the movie some credit. The story was okay, a bit simplistic and predictable, but okay. I wasn't expecting some deep, psychological, mind-twisting story, but I was expecting the person writing the story to give more fucks. There are definitely no Oscars or accolades being won here, nor do I feel this movie even tried to get those. Like I said before, this was a movie that was churned out by the studio to make a quick buck, nothing else. What bothers me is the complete lack of effort put into the details and story,

That broach makes the outfit.

If plot holes, poor character development, bad directing and terrible acting doesn't bother you, and you're in the mood for some chills and thrills, then give this a shot, but only if it's like... free or your friends made the mistake of buying it and watched it and you dug it out of their trash. Wow... I am a bitch. 

Someone needs a manicure!