Malicious Monday: Maleficent

I've decided that every Monday on this blog I will have a post devoted to my favorite movie/TV/book villains. I've always had a fascination with the baddies, even as a kid. It's only fitting that my first Malicious Monday post be the baddest of them all! Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, The Mistress of All Evil: Maleficent. 

Now, I'm not talking about that Angelina Jolie bullshit(Though she did a fantastic job!). I'm talking about the ORIGINAL BAD BITCH from Disney's animated classic Sleeping Beauty. 

We first see Maleficent busting into a party that she wasn't invited to. It was party to honor the new born Princess Aurora. There are these three faeries who bless Aurora with gifts of beauty and song, but before the third fairy can bless her... BOOM! Maleficent comes in and makes that party her bitch! She lays an awesome curse on the Princess that before the sun sets on her 16th birthday, she'll prick her finger on the needle of spinning wheel and DIE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Then she's all like "BYE!" and leaves in a burst of green fire like the bad-ass she is!

Bye Felecias! 

I've read some blogs and posts around the internet that claim Maleficent isn't as awesome as people think she is. Their arguments are that she's a little whiny baby who gets mad when she's not invited to a party. Don't listen to that hate speech! That's the reason why Maleficent is so bitchin! How many f us haven't been invited to a party or event that we really wanted to go to? How many of us have been the outcasts, the unwanted, the weirdos? I know I've been that person. I know I've wanted to bust into a party in a sea of green flames and fuck their shit up! 

Here are my reasons why Maleficent is the best villain EVER!

1) She Has a Staff!

Them other faeries only got little wands! You're little wants can S mah D! I want a freggin staff!

2) She Has Minions!

Here at Maleficent Inc, we work with that we have.

Screw those cutsie yellow things with goggles and over-pants! Maleficent has some ugly pig looking goblins who dance around green fire! Granted, they're stupid and aren't much help, it doesn't matter, they look fierce! Not only that, she has a pet raven that does her bidding! I mean... Need I say more?

3) Best Entrances and Exits!

Say what you want about her, but the lady knows how to make an entrance and make an exit! She has GREEN FIRE that just engulfs her and then BAM! She's gone. 

4) She Gets Shit Done!

Other villains try a few things, then when it doesn't work out they're defeated and die or walk away. Not Maleficent! She kept cutting her enemies off at the pass! She knew her curse had a flaw. She knew that if Aurora got kissed, she'd wake up. When she saw Aurora flirting with Prince Phillip, she was like "Hell no!" She set a trap for his ass and captured him! She's also one of the only villains that I know of that has actually had her plain come into fruition! Aurora pricked her finger on the spinning wheel! It happened! Her curse worked( If it weren't for that damn blue fairy it would have REALLY worked!). 

5) SHE TRANSFORMS INTO A FUCKING DRAGON!!!

BOOM! Now I'm a Fucking Dragon! DEAL WITH IT!

That's right! When Prince Phillip is trying to break her curse, she's all like "NOPE!". After several unsuccessful, but valiant, attempts to stop him, she finally reaches her boiling point. She's all like "Oh, you're running away? BOOM! Now I'm a FUCKING DRAGON! Deal with it BITCH!" Maleficent goes down fierce and fighting! 

Maleficent will always be my favorite villain. I remember, as a child, getting strange looks from both grownups and other kids when they'd ask me who my favorite Disney character was. The normal answers were always Simba, Aladdin, Ariel, etc. My answer was ALWAYS Maleficent! 

So tip your hat, or horns, to the Mistress of All Evil, Maleficent. 

Villain Score: FUCKING DRAGON!