Malicious Monday: Lady Macbeth

Francesca Annis as Lady Macbeth.

Let's get classy up in this bitch! We're talking about Shakespeare mothafuckkah! Don't you already feel smart and artistic?

My mind is just a weird place to be sometimes... okay all the time. When I was reading William Shakespeare's Macbeth in high school, I felt an immediate connection to the character of Lady Macbeth. I don't know why, maybe because she was a strong, powerful woman who didn't give a dick. It's unusual to see this in a play from this era. Women were generally just side-characters they weren't powerful or ambitious. Lady Macbeth was a beast. She wanted power, she wanted glory and she wanted that damn crown on her head!

Ellen Terry as Lady Macbeth

Macbeth is considered Shakespeare's darkest tragedies. It's generally believed written around 1606 and is based on an actual King named Macbeth. The play, however, is extremely different from the actual account of his life.

The play takes place in Scotland where Macbeth, a brave general and Thane of Glamis (Which is a mayor of some sort... I think.) who has just played a large part in defeating a bunch of traitors is praised for his bravery and fighting abilities by King Duncan of Scotland. Macbeth and his friend Banquo are chillin' when these three witches come out and deliver Macbeth three prophesies. They tell him he's going to be Thane of Glamis, Thane of Cawdor and King hereafter. Macbeth is stunned, but Banquo doesn't quite believe them. The witches give him a prophecy that he will father a line of Kings, but will never be King himself. With that they leave. Soon after the witches second prophecy comes true when King Duncan bestows the honor of Thane of Cawdor upon Macbeth. Macbeth immediately begins to harbor ambitions of becoming King.

Witches be crazy.

King Duncan announces he will spend the night at Macbeth's castle along with his heir to the thrown, his son Malcolm. Macbeth sends a message to his wife Lady Macbeth telling him of the weird sisters, AKA the witches' prophesies. Lady Macbeth jumps aboard the crazy train and decided to help her husband fulfill the final prophecy. Macbeth is uncertain and struggles with doubt over the prophecy, but Lady Macbeth overrides all his doubts and insists that he kill King Duncan.

They work out a plan to get Duncan's two guards drunk and blame the murder on them. All goes according to plan until after Macbeth stabs King Duncan. He has a complete meltdown over his actions. Lady Macbeth has to take charge. She plants the bloody dagger on one of the guards and orders her inconsolable husband to wash the blood off his hands and return to bed.

Ian Mckellan and Judi Dench in Macbeth.

The plan works out. Duncan's sons, Malcolm and Donalbain flee the country in fear that whoever killed their father would come after them next. Macbeth is crowned King of Scotland. Macbeth soon remembers one flaw in his plan. Banquo. Banquo's prophecy troubles Macbeth greatly. He invites Banquo and his son Fleance to a banquet. He learns they're leaving that night and hires assassins to kill them. The manage to kill Banquo, but Fleance escapes unharmed. Macbeth is furious and feels his power is unsecure as long as Fleance is alive.

At the banquet, Macbeth sees Banquo's ghost and raves insanely, scaring his guests. Lady Macbeth desperatly tried to convince her guests that her husband is just ill. He's yelling at an empty chair continues, and Lady Macbeth asks the guests politely to leave.

Théodore Chassériau (1819–1856),Macbeth seeing the Ghost of Banquo,1854

After the banquet, Macbeth returns to the witches where they reveal that Banquo's decendents will indeed reign for many generations. They also reveal that Macbeth's fellow Thane, Macduff, is one to be feared. He soon learn that Macduff has fled Scotland. Macbeth orders Macduff's castle to be seized and his wife and children killed.

Francesca Annis and Jon Fitch as the Macbeths

Lady Macbeth becomes racked with guilt over the crimes her husband has committed. She loses control and starts sleepwalking and revealing the atrocities that she and Macbeth were behind. She tries washing imaginary blood stains off her hands proclaiming that no amount of washing can free her hand of the stains. This is the same Lady Macbeth who told her husband that "a little water clears us of this deed." after they murdered King Duncan.

Lady Macbeth sleepwalking by Henry Fuseli

Lady Macbeth eventually falls so deep into madness that she kills herself. Macduff and Prince Malcolm come back with an army to overtake Macbeth. Macbeth is killed and Prince Malcolm is crowned King. Banquo's decedents, however would become King after Malcolm's reign.

Damn that was a long synopsis.Sorry bout it. Like I said, when was first reading this in Literature class, I found myself drawn to Lady Macbeth. She was so different from other women I had read in Shakespeare plays. She was brutal and cold, but at the same time there was a softness about her. Something fragile.

Francesca Annis as Lady Macbeth.

She wanted her husband to be happy, she believed in him. She knew he would make a great King, but most importantly, she knew she would make a FABULOUS Queen. She wanted them to be a team. She wanted her and Macbeth to rule Scotland together. She was callous and cold when it came to murdering King Duncan, but her husband was the complete opposite. He was in a fit of panic and sadness after he murdered Duncan, so much so that Lady Macbeth had to finish the plan they had worked out.

I think as the play goes on, Lady Macbeth began to realize she had created a monster. Her husband has become someone she didn't recognize. Her own ambitions and cruelty had rubbed off on Macbeth and. he became a tyrant. She lost control of the situation when Macbeth began killing people. What's sad is, Lady Macbeth herself probably realized that she was the cause of it. Her own blind ambition turned her husband into something dark.

Francesca Annis and Jon Fitch in Macbeth (1971)

Their roles reversed by the end of the play. At the beginning it was Lady Macbeth who had the control and calmness to carry out murder. She didn't care that King Duncan would die. She didn't care that he's two loyal guards would be framed for murder. She did what she thought she had to so her and her husband could have power. Macbeth was an absolute mess. He couldn't handle what he had done. Lady Macbeth was the one who had to calm him down and act natural. By the end of the play it's Macbeth who could care less about killing people and it's Lady Macbeth who loses her mind.

Lady Macbeth gets a lot of flack. I mean, it's deserved, she plotted to commit murder, but at the same time we don't know the whole story. Maybe Lady Macbeth didn't like King Duncan's politics, who knows. She just wanted him dead so she and her husband could rule, She got more than she bargained for when she realized her husband had steadily become a serial killer.

Francesca Annis as Lady Macbeth in Macbeth (1971)

I don't believe Lady Macbeth was privy to Macbeth's murder of Banquo and Macduff's family. When she found out, I think it pushed her over the edge. She couldn't handle the fact that she was the initial cause for all of it.

I don't think Lady Macbeth wanted more murder and chaos. I think she simply wanted to live her life with her husband after they killed Duncan. She didn't want more death, if anything she was too smart for that. She knew that if more and more people died, the more fingers would point at them.

This next theory might sound crazy, but ride this train with me, it'll be fun! I think Lady Macbeth wanted to be a mother. I think she wanted children in the worst way. All of Macbeth's murders involved children in some way. King Duncan's children, Malcolm and Donalbain fled in fear after their father's death. Lady Macbeth didn't care so much about that. When Banquo was killed, I think it bothered her a little more. She learned that her husband was capable of murdering an innocent child. A child she would have been happy to mother. I think this was the beginning of her decent into madness.

Judi Dench as Lady Macbeth in Macbeth(1979)

The final straw was when she learned that her husband was responsible for the death of multiple children. I believe the messenger that was sent to Lady Macduff to warn her of their impending doom, was indeed sent by Lady Macbeth. She didn't want more death, especially if it had to be children.

The great Vivien Leigh as Lady Macbeth. 

By the end, the once cool and confidant Lady Macbeth, was reduced to a babbling, guilt-ridden mess. She deserved everything she got. I believe she came to peace with herself toward the end. She knew that she didn't deserve to live. She knew the actions she had set in motion caused numerous deaths and unimaginable grief. She needed release from her tormented soul.

We're never told exactly how Lady Macbeth committed suicide, which is strange because normally Shakespeare enjoys describing deaths in detail. I think there's a reason. I think Shakespeare respected Lady Macbeth. He wrote her knowing how it would end. Knowing that she would become a shell of her former self. She suffered extreme guilt from her actions, but mostly her husband's actions. By not revealing how she died, Lady Macbeth is left with a small shred of dignity, whether deserved or not.

You can buy Macbeth here.

For more information on the 1971 movie directed by Roman Polanski click here.

Her Last Escape: A look back at Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

Jill Valentine is in da house.

"It was Raccoon City's last chance... And my last chance... My last escape... "

— A note authored by Jill Valentine on September 27, 1998

Today is September 28, 2014, the anniversary of when the events of my favorite video game first started. I couldn't let this day go by without blogging about Resident Evil 3. It's been 15 years since Resident Evil 3: Nemesis hit shelves everywhere. While I personally wasn't into Resident Evil, or gaming of any kind at the time(except for maybe Pokemon). I remember the commercials and promotional images released. I was a scaredy-cat back then and that kind of shit just freaked me out. 

It wasn't until I got to college that Resident Evil became a slight... well, ok, MAJOR obsession of mine. I became engrossed in the rich story and characters of the series. I played ALL the games within a few months and became one of those nerds who waited breathlessly for the next game. 

Jill's last escape.

Out of all the RE games, Nemesis was my favorite. I know I'm in the minority here, but I don't give a dick. I'm not going to blog about the ENTIRE series up to the point of where this game starts, because I could go on forever. And if you're reading this, you probably know about this game anyway. It's a very complex story line, and plus, you really should discover it for yourself if the genre of survival horror is something you're into. 

Now, first off let me say, this game is confusing, well, not so much the game as the timeline of the game(Yes, i know the game is kinda confusing too, but it's nothing you can't figure out, so hush yo face when you're talking to me!). Resident Evil 3 takes place on September 28, 1998, two months after the first Resident Evil game, and 24 hours before Resident Evil 2 begins. The game follows Jill Valentine as she tries to escape the zombie infested Raccoon City after the T-Virus outbreak caused by the evil pharmaceutical company Umbrella. The second half of the game takes place two days after Resident Evil 2. Zombies aren't the only thing Miss Valentine has to face. The most horrifying and persistent monster in the Resident Evil series(In my opinion.), the Nemesis is after Jill, and it won't stop until she's dead.

Oh fuck...

As I said before, this game is my all time favorite! It's not just because my favorite video game character(Jill) is the star of the show, it's also because  this game is truly scary. You're wondering around a city crawling with the walking dead and you never know when your BFF, Nemesis, is going to pop out trying to blow your head off with a rocket launcher! While Lickers don't join the party this time around, Hunters make a comeback toward the end and Brain Suckers are thrown in for added fun! Not to mention a worm-like creature called Gravedigger trying to eff you up in the sewers! YAY!!!

GAWD NEMEY! Get off my DIAAACK!!!

Jill has a new partner in this game by the name of Carlos Oliveira, but no one gives two shits about him and he pales in comparison to the epic Chris Redfield. At one point Jill literally has to bitch-slap Carlos to keep him on task, he just fucking blows donkey balls. I would have much rather Chris come back to rescue Jill and help her through the hellish city, but at the same time, I feel that would have taken away from Jill's story. This game shows how tough and badass Jill is. She didn't need a knight in shining armor to ride up on his white horse to save her. This is why I love Resident Evil. This game series is all about the ladies. It has created strong, powerful women who aren't afraid to get their hands dirty or get blood on their shoes. They get shit done and look good while doing it.

To me Resident Evil 3 is more than just a survival horror game. It also has deeper meaning. It's revealed at the beginning of the game, that Jill and other surviving S.T.A.R.S. members have tried to warn the the inhabitants of Raccoon City about the illegal Bio-weapon research that Umbrella was doing. Unfortunately, the all powerful and influencing Umbrella has the people of the city swayed. No one dared to oppose them and they listened blindly to what was told to them. While Chris, Barry and Rebecca(Jill's teammates), leave to investigate other Umbrella operations, Jill stays in Raccoon City to investigate further and join them later. I believe Jill also stayed to try and warn the citizens of Raccoon City one last time. They refused to listen.

In many ways, the citizens of Raccoon City were already zombies. They were easily manipulated by the media and whatever they were told. They refused to question authority, and unfortunately it lead to their doom. Jill being stuck in the city, in a way, is no different to her being in the city before the outbreak. She's still around mindless zombies and dangerous situations, they're just more literal. Now she's trapped and she has to get out of the damned city before it consumes her in it's horror. 

I know people trash this game these days, bitching about how bad the graphics are and how cheesy the dialog is, but this game was made in 1999 for God's sake! Give this game a little respect for what it was at the time of it's release! I wasn't even into gaming at the time, but I can still respect this game and many others for what they are and when they were made. 

5 zombies? Jill don't give a FUUUCK!

Really, this game has everything you need: zombies, humanoid-mutant creatures, deceptive Russians and a hot girl in a boob-tube kicking major ass. What the fuck are you complaining about? Sit down bitch! 

I mean... it's fine. You can eat Brad Vickers. No one cares.

As a bonus, Jill also teaches ladies how to properly wear a boob-tube. They are appropriate if it's 1998 and if you're Jill Valentine. No other time is a boob tube appropriate. EVER. That piece of fashion advice is absolutely 100% free with this gaming post! You're welcome. 

For more information on this game and Resident Evil in general, visit the links below.

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis

Resident Evil Info

Official Site

You look good gurl. 

Sh*t I Like: Music Videos Part 1

DAAAYUM... I'm gonna need a minute.

I thought I might start doing this new segment/entry/post-thingy here on the Foundation called Sh*t I Like. These posts will be about whatever the hell I want them to be about. This entry in particular will be about some of the many music videos I love. Hopefully, you like them too. Enjoy!

Whitesnake - Here I Go Again

This is one song that every time I hear it on the radio or whatever, I think about the music video. It's just timeless! The first thought that comes to my mind when this song plays, or someone ever brings up the subject of Whitesnake is  Tawny Kitaen. Sweet Jesus thank you for Tawny Kitaen! Everything about her, The legs, the body, the face, the hair! Whoever thought "Hey, lets put these two Jaguars together and have a white lingerie clad Tawny Kitaen roll around on the hood of them." Is a FUCKING GENIUS!!! 

The video was filmed in 1987 to go along with the hit song and like most Whitesnake videos, was directed by Marty Callner. It has the band performing on a stage, but whats really the most important thing about the video, and the world, is Tawny Kitaen. We have her gallivanting around, back and forth between the hoods of two Jaguars and we have her hanging out the window of a car and seducing lead singer(And future husband.) David Coverdale while he tries to focus on driving.  

It's spectacular and full of 80's goodness. May it live on forever! 

Final Thought: Tawny and David were later married. I wonder who spent longer styling their hair in the mornings? Did they bitch each other out for hogging the bathroom? Did they use the same hair products/tools? Is this the reason they got divorced? Probably. 

No Doubt - It's My Life

This is indeed one of my all time favsies. We have lead singer, Gwen Stefani as a 1920's femme fatal killing all her lovers(Played by the other boy members of the band.). Need I say more? 

The fashion, the acting, the song! Everything about this video is fantastic. I really don't think I need to explain myself any further. Enjoy!

Reba McEntire - Fancy

Damn! This is a good video! Double damn! Reba looks good as a classy-ass hooker! 

It's well known that Reba is one of the pioneers of the music video as we know it today. She loved doing them, and it ignited her passion for acting which we have all been blessed with for many years. Tremors, Is There Life Out There?, Reba.... all kinds of Reba acting goodness. 

When I was a kid I loved this song an video! Back then I had to watch CMT constantly in order to see it. Granted, I was way too young to be listening to a song about a mother selling her daughter into prostitution, but we listened and watched all kinds of fucked up shit when we were younger(I'm looking at you Rocko's Modern Life!). So in conclusion... I don't know, it's just an awesome video and song, watch it!

Final Thought: In real life, that girl would not have left that damn locket there! She would have kept it, and pawned it for cocaine or morning-after-pill money! We ain't fools! 

Malicious Monday: Annie Leonhardt

I would like the blonde anime character. 

I normally don't do the whole anime thing. I find most of it a little... well, silly. I feel like some people get REALLY caught up in it, to the point where it becomes their life, but you could really say that about anything. I digress, this Malicious Monday is devoted to an anime character. She's probably my favorite anime character, granted, I've only watched a handful, but out of that handful, Annie Leonhardt stands out as my favsie. If you don't like anime or Attack on Titan, then don't read this post! This is my fuckin' blog, I do what I want! Get a ladder and climb off my dick!!!

Attack on Titan is an anime about a the human population having to build extremely tall walls around their civilization due to these giant human-like creatures called Titans. For 100 years, these walls have kept the Titans at bay. One day, out of no where, a Colossal Titan, taller than the wall, comes along and destroys a section of it. With the wall open, it's left the humans vulnerable to hungry Titans who love nothing more than to nom nom on humans. The story centers around Eren Jeager and his foster sister Mikasa who barely escape to the inner wall, but not before watching their home town be destroyed and their mother being eaten alive by a creepy grinning Titan. Eren decides to devote his life to destroying every single Titan on the planet. When he's of age he joins the Survey Corps, which is an  army of sorts, to keep the human race safe from the Titans.

That's the plot in a nutshell. There's actually all this complex shit about the show, and I could go on for days explaining. Ain't no one got time for that, so we're going to jump in to the best part of the show, at least to me, Annie Leonhardt. 

"Hey baby,you so fine if I were a judge, I'd label you 'Illegally Blonde!' Haha!"

We first meet Annie when she's in training with Eren. She's quiet and mysterious, and can kick anyone's ass like a pro. She's noted for her fierce use of swords and boss unarmed fighting skills. Despite all this, she's painfully introverted and has issues when it comes to working with others. Despite her cold exterior she shows compassion and remorse when she comes across a fallen team mate. You might be asking, "Dustin, how does this make her a villain?" I'm glad you asked.

The famous "Annie Pose." FEAR IT!

She's FUCKING PSYCHO! In the most awesome way. It turns out that Annie is actually a spy sent from an unknown organization outside the wall. She can transform, or shift. into a Titan whenever she pleases. Annie masterfully manipulates the humans whenever the need arises. She kills countless survey corps when she transforms into her Female Titan form. Her mission? Well... we're not exactly sure. Annie's intentions haven't been revealed yet. What we do know is she has gone above and beyond to deceive and kill as many people as needed, all to capture our main hero, Eren Jaeger. Eren has the same mysterious talent of Titan Shifting, Unlike Annie, Eren is not as experienced or in-control of it.

BITCH! I done told you to fear the Annie Pose!

Annie is finally figured out when the Survey Corps stage a trap to capture her. Annie figures it out and transforms into her female Titan form and she unleashes hell upon another city within the walls. 

No Michael Jackson... Annie is NOT okay. 

Annie is the typical femme fatal. She's smart, cunning, beautiful and dangerous. Her cold, ice-princess ways remind me of one of the typical blondes from a Hitchcock film. She's a sociopath and will do anything for her cause. Her intentions are still a mystery. We know she was sent inside the walls to infiltrate the human race and we also know she shows interest in her fellow shiftier, Eren. It will be interesting to see what season three of Attack on Titan will bring, and what more, if anything, we learn about Annie. 

Annie noms Eren.

Out of everyone I know who watched this anime, I was the only one who felt extremely sad Annie at the end of this last season. Sure she was a psychopath with murderous tendencies, but the sheer look of sadness and defeat on her face at the end was heart-wrenching for me. Before she could be killed or captured, Annie fell a sleep and formed a crystal-like structure around herself, making it impossible to get to her. I love this! The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if Annie had her middle figure up when frozen, because that's pretty much what she's saying. "Fuck you guys! I decieved all of you and even though you can see me, you'll never be able to get me! HA!" 

It's kinda like a fucked up version of Snow White... not really.

It's somewhat revealed that Annie actually does have reasons for what she's doing. While her titan form is dying, Annie has flashbacks of her father and how he's apologizing for all he's done for her. He makes her promise to return to him. I thought I had daddy issues. 

Bitch be cray.

I must admit, Attack on Titan is a pretty solid anime. The story is deep and complex and the characters are likable. I suggest anyone check it out. 

Underrated Movies: The Stepford Wives (1975)

The lovely Katharine Ross in The Stepford Wives

The Stepford Wives, was published in 1972. It caused such a sensation that the movie studios wanted in on it. The Stepford Wives was written by Ira Levin, who's book Rosemary's Baby had been made into a successful film just four years before. Director, Bryan Forbes read the book and immediately had the idea for how he wanted the movie. He called it "thriller in sunlight." It's one of the most unusual horror/sci-fi movies ever created. The look of the movie is beautiful. The colors and saturation is almost exaggerated, but the audience can sense the evil lurking just in the darkness beyond. The beautiful color scheme, like the wives themselves, are a mere illusion to distract us from the truth, a truth that the heroines of the film learn too late.

Never has a trip to your local grocery store been so scary. 

The film revolves around a housewife named Joanna (Katharine Ross) who moves to the town of Stepford with her husband(Peter Masterson) and two children. She almost immediately notices something is off about the wives of Stepford, they are obsessed with treating their husbands like gods, succumbing to their every wish and whim. It's literally like a bunch of June Cleaver's running around.  All these sex doll looking, mannequin-esqe wives do is cook, clean, and give their husbands mind-blowing sex. After her husband joins the local Men's Association, Joanna notices a dramatic change in he's personality and the company he keeps. The husbands of Stepford are just as you can imagine. They're all giant douche-bag looking mother fuckers. You know what I mean, the kind of guy who always talks about how big his dick is and thinks he's extremely better than you. The kind of guy who peaked in High School, and still acts like he's that Senior quarterback that all the girls want to fuck, The kind of guy who's mugshot you would see on the news for getting picked up for soliciting hookers. Those are the men of Stepford. She wonders if he, like the other men in the town, wants her to be a perfect, frozen, BJ giving machine like all the other wives of the town. Soon Joanna's best-friend and only ally(Paula Prentiss) becomes one of them. Joanna must find out the truth, before she too is consumed by the perfection surrounding her.

Like I said before, the movie is stunning to look at. Beautiful colors and lovely lighting. You wonder how this could be a horror film. Like Levin's work, Rosemary's Baby, this movie deals with paranoia and rationalization. Levin fans will notice quite a few similarities between Rosemary's Baby and The Stepford Wives. Like his earlier work, Stepford keeps the audience guessing if anything eerie really is going on, or if it's simply in the heroine's head. Like Rosemary, Stepford also deals with the thought of "Do I really know my significant other?" It's a terrifying suggestion to think that the the person you have fallen in-love with and have chosen to spend the rest of your life with has turned into someone dark and unrecognizable. 

Room full of gross.

Joanna and her friend Bobbie have moments where they think they're going crazy, and the way the actresses play their roles is flawless. Katharine Ross is unbelievably perfect. Diane Keaton was originally cast, but dropped out, and I must say I'm glad she did. Ross' career has been somewhat anti-climatic. Her career took off in the late 60's with movies like The Graduate and Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. It was her later career that was rather low key. Paula Prentiss, who plays the fun-loving Bobbie, is an actress I fell in love with in this movie.You grew attached to her and wanted things to work out for both Ross' and Prentiss' characters. 

"I'll just die if I don't get this recipe."

Unlike Rosemary's Baby, The Stepford Wives strays heavily from the original novel. If you've read Rosemary's Baby, you'll notice the 1968 film is page for page. The Stepford Wives is the complete opposite. Screenplay writer, William Goldman and Director Bryan Forbes had many disagreements on how The Stepford Wives should be done. This disagreements ultimately lead the script and overall movie to suffer. Even today it's noted by critics and fans alike that the script/screenplay could have been much stronger and carried out far better. 

Like most horror movies of the 70's, Stepford moves at a leisurely pace. It's a definite slow burn with little things that clue you in on the truth of the wives. The ending is horrifying and chilling. All the beautiful settings and saturated colors fade as Joanna learns whats really going on. If you haven't seen this, you must! Rent it! Buy it! I don't care just watch it. Unfortunately, this movie might seem boring to some because of the high packed action crap we are subjected to today. I was hoping when they remade this movie( The 2004 remake starring Nicole Kidman.) it would draw attention to the original and it would finally get recognition, but the remake flopped and if anything made people want to run from the original.

If you're one of those people who goes into a horror film expecting blood and explosions thrown in your face, keep walking. This is not the movie for you. This isn't the Saw, torture porn shit of today, this is REAL terror. It leaves you with the thought, does your significant other love you for who you are, or if they could change one thing about you with a push of a button... would they? 

Malicious Monday: Maleficent

I've decided that every Monday on this blog I will have a post devoted to my favorite movie/TV/book villains. I've always had a fascination with the baddies, even as a kid. It's only fitting that my first Malicious Monday post be the baddest of them all! Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, The Mistress of All Evil: Maleficent. 

Now, I'm not talking about that Angelina Jolie bullshit(Though she did a fantastic job!). I'm talking about the ORIGINAL BAD BITCH from Disney's animated classic Sleeping Beauty. 

We first see Maleficent busting into a party that she wasn't invited to. It was party to honor the new born Princess Aurora. There are these three faeries who bless Aurora with gifts of beauty and song, but before the third fairy can bless her... BOOM! Maleficent comes in and makes that party her bitch! She lays an awesome curse on the Princess that before the sun sets on her 16th birthday, she'll prick her finger on the needle of spinning wheel and DIE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Then she's all like "BYE!" and leaves in a burst of green fire like the bad-ass she is!

Bye Felecias! 

I've read some blogs and posts around the internet that claim Maleficent isn't as awesome as people think she is. Their arguments are that she's a little whiny baby who gets mad when she's not invited to a party. Don't listen to that hate speech! That's the reason why Maleficent is so bitchin! How many f us haven't been invited to a party or event that we really wanted to go to? How many of us have been the outcasts, the unwanted, the weirdos? I know I've been that person. I know I've wanted to bust into a party in a sea of green flames and fuck their shit up! 

Here are my reasons why Maleficent is the best villain EVER!

1) She Has a Staff!

Them other faeries only got little wands! You're little wants can S mah D! I want a freggin staff!

2) She Has Minions!

Here at Maleficent Inc, we work with that we have.

Screw those cutsie yellow things with goggles and over-pants! Maleficent has some ugly pig looking goblins who dance around green fire! Granted, they're stupid and aren't much help, it doesn't matter, they look fierce! Not only that, she has a pet raven that does her bidding! I mean... Need I say more?

3) Best Entrances and Exits!

Say what you want about her, but the lady knows how to make an entrance and make an exit! She has GREEN FIRE that just engulfs her and then BAM! She's gone. 

4) She Gets Shit Done!

Other villains try a few things, then when it doesn't work out they're defeated and die or walk away. Not Maleficent! She kept cutting her enemies off at the pass! She knew her curse had a flaw. She knew that if Aurora got kissed, she'd wake up. When she saw Aurora flirting with Prince Phillip, she was like "Hell no!" She set a trap for his ass and captured him! She's also one of the only villains that I know of that has actually had her plain come into fruition! Aurora pricked her finger on the spinning wheel! It happened! Her curse worked( If it weren't for that damn blue fairy it would have REALLY worked!). 

5) SHE TRANSFORMS INTO A FUCKING DRAGON!!!

BOOM! Now I'm a Fucking Dragon! DEAL WITH IT!

That's right! When Prince Phillip is trying to break her curse, she's all like "NOPE!". After several unsuccessful, but valiant, attempts to stop him, she finally reaches her boiling point. She's all like "Oh, you're running away? BOOM! Now I'm a FUCKING DRAGON! Deal with it BITCH!" Maleficent goes down fierce and fighting! 

Maleficent will always be my favorite villain. I remember, as a child, getting strange looks from both grownups and other kids when they'd ask me who my favorite Disney character was. The normal answers were always Simba, Aladdin, Ariel, etc. My answer was ALWAYS Maleficent! 

So tip your hat, or horns, to the Mistress of All Evil, Maleficent. 

Villain Score: FUCKING DRAGON!