Malicious Monday: Kathryn Merteuil

"In English? I'll fuck your brains out."

This Malicious Monday we're partying like it's 1999, Manhattan-bitch style! That's right kids! We're talking about Kathryn Merteuil from the 1999 teen-classic Cruel Intentions! 

Oh haaaiiii Sarah Michelle Gellar.....

In case you haven't seen it, Cruel Intentions follows the exploits of two Manhattan step-siblings, Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillipe) and Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) as they systematically try to ruin and completely dismantle people's lives. It was one of those teen dramas that took itself way too seriously, despite it's campy acting and cheesy script. It's still a fucking great movie, I don't care what anyone says!

Where are your parents?

"She's quite cute, you know? Young, supple breasts, a tight, firm ass... uncharted pooty... Be her Captain Picard, Valmont. Boldly go where no man has gone before."

Every piece of jewelry should be both stylish and functional like the cocaine cross!

Kathryn Merteuil is everything you want on the outside. She's a beautiful teenager who portrays herself as a good Christian girl with strong moral values. She's student body president at the exclusive Manchester Prep and has made a reputation for herself as the sweetheart of the Upper East Side of New York. Behind this facade she has so methodically built, is a cocaine addict, sociopath with bulimia and a strong thirst for other people's misfortune. She holds up a cross at one point and explains that she get's her strength from it because it's a symbol of her faith. It's later revealed that the cross actually holds her stash of cocaine. She untwists the top revealing a little spoon to scoop it out and she sniffs it on up! It's pretty awesome. 

SPOILER ALERT! They're totally about to les out.

She makes a game out of ruining other people's lives. There's nothing Kathryn enjoys more than playing puppet master with the people in her life, forcing them to bend to her will by manipulating them into corner until they must do her bidding. She's a completely heartless mastermind and will stop at nothing to get what she desires. 

Told ya!

In the movie, Kathryn starts off simply wanting revenge on the virginal Cecile, who her ex-boyfriend dumped her for. She enlists the help of her step-brother Sebastian to bed the girl, taking her much coddled virtue away from her. She doesn't stop there though. She eventually finds out Cecile and her music teacher are in-love. She seduces the music teacher all the while playing BFF to Cecile giving her bogus advise and leading her astray from proper beliefs. 

Gimme dat sweet ass boook!

She also controls her step-brother Sebastian. She makes a bet with him that he can't sleep with the new headmaster of their school's daughter, Annette, by the end of the summer. If she wins, he gives Kathryn his beloved car. If he wins, he gets to fuck Kathryn. Simple enough right? WRONG! Nothing is ever that black and white with Kathryn. She realized Sebastian has fallen in love with Annette and doesn't want to take her virginity, something that's extremely important to her and her faith. Kathryn continues to wind Sebastian up like a toy. Telling him that he's gone soft and that he would never be good enough for Annette. She's uses his feelings for her against him. "You'll not only ruin your reputation, you'll destroy her's." After Kathryn finally convinces Sebastian to dump Annette, Kathryn rejoices that she also ruined Sebastian's life as well, making him toss aside the only person he ever truly loved. This was her plan all along. 

"You were very much in love with her. And you're still in love with her. But it amused me to make you ashamed of it. You gave up on the first person you ever loved because I threatened your reputation. Don't you get it? You're just a toy, Sebastian. A little toy I like to play with. And now you've completely blown it with her. I think it's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
[drinks champagne]
Tastes good. So, I assume you've come here to make arrangements. But unfortunately, I don't fuck losers."

I like your Jackie O look.

What a bitch!!! I mean, I've always considered myself I little devious, but this bitch takes the cake! She ultimately gets her comeuppance in the end. Turns out Sebastian kept a diary about all his exploits, including incriminating information on Kathryn. She's found out in the end and hopefully sent to a much needed psychiatric hospital. 

This LOOKS like a dysfunctional relationship. 

What makes Kathryn a fantastic villain, besides the cocaine cross, is she has fooled everyone on the outside that she's "the Marsha fucking Brady of the Upper East Side". Everyone loves her. She has made everyone love her. She's a survivor. In her short life, she has seen men get away with whatever they want. It disgusts her that men are allowed to enjoy fucking around and never having any consequences for their scandalous actions. Kathryn knows that if she were to do that, she would be ostracized, She would be seen as nothing by a common whore just because she doesn't have a penis and happens to enjoy sex. 

They're OUT!

Playing the part of a "proper young lady" has taken it's toll on her. It's no wonder she turns to drugs for comfort. She ruins other people's lives because she holds a grudge against them. To her, these people are the one's keeping her in a cage, so she does whatever she can for her amusement. She takes pride in getting revenge against them by fucking with their lives. She has severe psychological issues, but at the same time she has it right. She has to play the part to be accepted in the society she's in. It's actually quite sad.  

She gives a speech to Sebastian at one point:

"Eat me, Sebastian! It's okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everyone. But when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile. God forbid, I exude confidence and enjoy sex. Do you think I relish the fact that I have to act like Mary Sunshine 24/7 so I can be considered a lady? I'm the Marcia fucking Brady of the Upper East Side, and sometimes I want to kill myself."

Such a good girl.

Like her or not, she has a point. A guy can sleep around and do what they want and it's seen as acceptable. When girls do it, they're seen as common whores. She's still a fucking bitch though. Sarah Michelle Gellar is never given enough credit for playing this part! i swear! If I ever make a movie SMG, you're gonna be my villain, and you're going to have a fucking cocaine cross! DONE!  

When I have my own house one day, I want my bedroom EXACTLY like Kathryn's. 

VILLAIN SCORE: Cocaine Cross