Here at the Foundation, we love our gay people. We support and love you! Me and my gay friends were talking about the different types of gay guys out there and we broke them up into different diva categories and it hit me in the giggle dick so hard that I had to blog about it. Let me just say, I'm not trying to be insulting... for once. This is just something funny me and my gay friends came up with, it's really not meant to be hurtful at all, and if your feelings are hurt by this... maybe you loosen up a little.
Britney Spears Gays
Britney Gays are usually the party gays. They're the kind to take shots and get on top of a table and dance. They're usually very feminine, and enjoy the color pink. When it comes to old school rock, these gays snarl and sashay away. You can find these gays dancing in a club with a fruity drink in their hand. These gays also love pop music and are usually the first to know the latest celebrity gossip. Don't be too sad if you loose track of a Britney Gay, these guys tend to be living-in-the-moment type. They flutter from one social group to the next, never afraid to party with new people. They only live once and they know it, but they'll come back around with lots of crazy stories to tell you. These gays tend to be in the age range of 20 - 30
You're a Britney Gay if:
- You've ever bleached your hair.
- You've bleached your pewbs to match your hair.
- You've taken your shirt off and stripped on the dance floor,
- You've pole danced to Gimme More
- Your iPod consists of pop, pop and more pop.
- You only sleep with tops.
Lady Gaga Gays
Gaga Gays are a fairly new breed of gays. This guys are very free spirited and quirky. They embrace the aspects and personality traits that make other's different. They're very kind and not quick to pass judgement on how you look. They take the Golden Rule of "treat others as you want to be treated" to heart.This gay group likes to stand out and be different. They have an avant-garde approach to style, music and art. They're very sensitive and emotional which makes them more in-sync with other's feelings. They usually think outside of the box and come up with new approaches to situations that you would never think of yourself. Once you make a friend of a Gaga Gay, you have a friend for life. They're very kind and will give you the shirt off their backs if you really need it. These gays are extremely loyal. But be warned, once you turn on them, their friends or their Mother Monster, this group can be a nightmare, just ask Kelly Osbourne. These gays tend to be in the age range of teens - late 20's
You're a Gaga Gay if:
-When you first meet someone, instead of shaking their hand you hug them
- You love Unicorns
- Wearing lipstick doesn't require an occasion.
- You've kissed the bartender twice.
- You have more than one Viva Glam Gaga lipstick stashed away.
- You've done arts and crafts and worn it.
Cher Gays
These gays are a riot! They love a good joke and are never afraid to "go there". Surprisingly, these breed of gays are considerably laid back. Insulting these guys won't be easy. They'll laugh it off or have a witty comeback. They never take their haters seriously. When it comes to partying, these gays love to socialize and DRINK! These gays are always a good time. They'll dance on the floor with you or sit with you in a corner and have you in stitches, it doesn't matter to them.These gays are also known as chameleons. They constantly re-invent themselves, adapting to the times. Cher Gays tend to shrug off the haters. They have a thick skin. Trying to argue with them is useless, mainly because they don't give a fuck. Don't push them too hard though or they'll make you look like a straight up fool. Cher Gays tend to be in the age group of late 20's and up.
You're a Cher Gay if:
-You watch Will & Grace religiously
-You know every Cher #1 hit from each decade.
-You don't take anyone who tries to insult you seriously.
-You identify with the Honey Badger
-ChadMichaels was your favorite drag queen on RuPaul's Drag Race
-You've gone out of your way to see every Cher film.
-You've slapped someone and said "Snap out of it!"
Madonna Gays
This breed of gay is one of the more common. They are closely related to the Britney Gays, but are a bit more subdued. These gays aren't afraid to be cady.They are usually very trendy and up to date with all the latest fashion and gossip. You can find these gays at a trendy bar and dance clubs. If you're looking for a reaction out of this group, don't expect much. These gays are not easily impressed and very seldom show emotion. They tend to take themselves too seriously at times, which can make them seem cold and distant, but it's not on purpose... most of the time. Much like Cher Gays, these gays are also known as chameleons. They constantly re-invent themselves, adapt to any situation. Madonna Gays also know how to get attention, especially if they feel like they're not getting they're deserved amount. They enjoy martinis and sweet alcoholic beverages. These gays are usually a class-act, but don't get on their bad side. This brood of divas can quickly turn on you and become vicious. In other words, the hold a MAJOR grudge. No one throws shade like a Madonna gay. These gays tend to be in the age group of late 20's and up.
You're a Madonna Gay if:
- You've ever dressed as her for Halloween.
- You've rallied several of your friends to turn against someone else.
- You enjoy martinis and finer liquor.
- You wear diamonds daily.
- You think Lady Gaga is a knock-off of your beloved Madonna.
- You say snarky comments and then sashay away.
- You don't let people see your emotions.
- You've ever converted to Kabbalah
- You've worn a Kabbalah bracelet even if you're not a part of the religion.
- You've watched Swept Away more than once.
Beyonce Gays
These laid back, come-as-you-are Gays are the most welcoming you'll find. Much like Lady Gaga Gays, these gays accept anyone for who they truly are. These gays tend to be non-confrontational. If an argument erupts, this group is usually not the one to start it or even be a part of it. That's not to say they're a pushover by any means. If need be, they'll step in and shut it down. Don't try to pull no fake shit over on this group. They can smell bullshit a mile away and will call you out on it. They don't have time for fake bitches, not when there's fun times to be had. These Gays tend to be adventurous as well. They're down for whatever. They can get a bit diva-ish at times, but if you explain your point of view, they'll usually understand, and are mortified if they hurt people's feelings unintentionally. These guys are great at seeing all aspects of an issue. Beyonce Gays are also known as hardworking. They have their hands in all kinds of pies, whether it be their social life or work. They're so multifaceted in almost all aspects of life. These Gays don't stop until they get what they need done, then it's time to party. Beyonce Gays tend to be in their teens - to late 30's.
You're a Beyonce Gay if:
-You know the "Single Ladies" dance by heart.
-You try to smile, even if you feel like hell.
-You're good at ending arguments in a peaceful way.
-When a fight breaks out, you tend to stand back.
-You don't jump to conclusions, but wait for all information to come out.
-You walk like this because you can back it up.
Lana Del Rey Gay
Lana Gays (Or, Lana Del Gays) are the newest form of gay specie. They're a hybrid of hipster and gay molded into one. Lana Gays can be a trifle temperamental, especially if you try to lecture them on music. They tend to wear cut off jeans, flannel, hats, fake glasses, Doc Martins and tank tops. These gays are very 90's chic. They know all the great 'underground' bands and are very in-the-know about the next big thing in music. You can find a Lana Gay at a dive bar, drinking some sort of beer and smoking Parliaments or vapor cigarettes. Trying to tell these gays about anything is pointless, they know it all. They're very connected to whats going on in most aspects of society due to their technological know-how.They read blogs and watch vlogs. Starting a conversation with them can be tricky, these gays tend to be quiet and keep to themselves. Music isn't just something you listen to with these gays, no it's an art, a form of life itself.These gays tend to be in the age group of teens - mid 20's.
You're a Lana Del Gay if:
- You have a Nirvana T-shirt.
- You found out who Leonard Cohen is after Lana Del Rey covered Chelsea Hotel No 2
- You smoke Parliaments
- You Googled what "Bel Air" was about.
- You have a blog or vlog
- You've worn heart-shaped sunglasses while drinking Diet Mountain Dew.
- Your private parts taste like Pepsi Cola
- You do cocaine
Liza Minnelli Gay
Whoa! Everyone better watch out! If a Liza gay comes walking by you better treat them with respect, and by all means don't try to take their spotlight. These gays are very witty and charming. They enjoy the finer things in life. Most Liza gays have money, or they simply live beyond their means, because hey, it costs major bank to look that good. These gays do know how to throw a lavish and crazy party, I'm talking Great Gatsby parties! These gays are entertaining as fuck! They demand attention, and you'll want to give it to them. Liza gays also tend to be emotional. With a flip of a switch, these gays can go from happiest person on earth to making your life a living hell. They are very vengeful, and will think nothing of throwing your phone in the punch bowl if you piss them off. While these gays are very social and approachable, they can also be crazy... I mean that in a good way and a bad way. These gays also tend to enjoy show tunes and band-stand type of music. They think new music is for the birds. Liza Gays tend to be in the age range of mid 30's and up.
You're a Liza Gay if:
-You've had Botox
-You've had cosmetic plastic surgery
-You're parties are all anyone talks about.
-You have a cigarette holder and make frequent use of it.
-You own or have owned a jar of Creme De La Mer.
-You throw an Oscar Party every year.
-You watch the Tony's every year.
-You go to at least 5 -10 Broadway shows every year.
-You own something with sequins on it that you wear on special occasions.
Barbra Streisand Gay
A Babs Gay is the most intellectual gay of them all. They're very knowledgeable about politics and other happenings around the globe. If you want opinions, a Barbra Gay has them, strong ones. Barbra Gays are also the perfect people to get advice from. They've seen a lot of things and can provide guidance for whatever problem is plaguing you. You can find Barbra gays at a sophisticated club sipping brandy or wine. These gays tend to steer clear from wild parties and clubs, but enjoy the company of a few people (mainly close friends) to have over for a dinner or a glass of chardonnay. These introverted gays can be tricky to get to know. They tend to keep their life very private, but once you become a friend, you're a friend for life. They will move Heaven and Earth for you. Barbra Gays tend to be in the age range of late 30's and up.
You're a Barbra Gay if:
-You'd rather stay at home with a book and a bottle of wine than go to a party.
-You've walked down a flight of stairs singing "Hello Dolly!" multiple times.
-The shoes you're wearing costs over $400.
-You've seen "Guilt Trip" more than once.
-You own a Barbra Streisand Barbie(s).
-You haven't been to a real bar in at least a year.
-You watch CNN daily.
-You're favorite Bee Gee's song is "Guilty" featuring Barbra.
-You hate violent, action films.
-You've convinced someone to sing Bryan Adam's part of "I Finally Found Someone" so you could be Barbra at karaoke.
Diana Ross Gays
These gays are THE BOSS. They don't take shit from no one! Don't fuck with them. If you do find yourself on the opposing end of a Diana Ross Gay, just point your heels to Jesus and pray for morning. These gays are relentless in everything they do. When you go party with a Diana Ross gay, you better believe it's going to be a dazzling experience. These Gays know how to get into any party, club and VIP section. They are true winners in life. The downside is they tend to be bossy. Their competitive nature can get the best of them at times, but don't let that sway you. These Bosses will do anything in their power to help a true friend have an amazing time, just don't expect to be the leader of the pack, that's their job. Diana Ross Gays tend to be in the age group of 30's and up.
You're a Diana Ross Gay or BOSS if:
-You're the one planning the night out with your friends
-If you're not the one planning the night out, you soon become the one.
-You tend to get your way.
-You've been called a "bossy bitch" and you took it as a compliment.
-You love disco music.
-When you start a project you get it done.
-You have numerous awards and trophies.
-You tend to find yourself leading your group of friends from place to place.
-You always come out on top.
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There ya go! I really hope no one took offense to that. Obviously it's just a fun thing me and my friends thought up. I hope you got a laugh or two out of it, and I hope you're having a very un-stressful holiday season.Sorry not sorry for Party Rockin'
PEACE!
PS: If you took offense to this, you're probably a Madonna Gay, just sayin'.
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