Malicious Monday: Cersei Lannister

"When you play the game of thrones you win or you die. There is no middle ground."

Hi. Welcome back to Malicious Monday! Sorry I've been away, I could come up with a million bullshit excuses, but lets just get to the blog post!

YAAAASSSS!!! Cersei Lannister!!! QUEEN!!! GIVIN' ME LYYYFE!!!!

That's right folks, today's I give you the scheming, manipulative, incestuous and sometimes not too bright... Cersei Lannister, played by the FABULOUS Lena Heady, from the HBO/BoobiesTV show, Game of Thrones! YAY!!!

Cersei was born into the wealthy and powerful Lannister family of Casterly Rock. Her father, Tywin Lannister was the richest man in the Seven Kingdoms. Cersei is the elder twin of Sir Jaime Lannister and the oldest sister Tyrian Lannister. When she was four years old, he mother, Joanna, died giving birth to her youngest brother Tyrian. From that point on she deeply resented Tyrian and blamed him for her mother's death. I know I've blamed babies for things like farts and messes, but never murder.

Dat hair though!

Her father, Tywin, was often away from Casterly Rock serving as Hand of the King at the Capital. He's visits back to Casterly Rock were infrequent, leaving Cersei and her brothers to be raised by servants. During her youth, Cersei began an incestuous relationship with Jaime, one that would last into adulthood. She had sexual relations with other men, but all of them seemed to use her and move on, Jaime always remained faithful to Cersei, never taking another lover.

When she was about fifteen, Cersie, along with her friend Melara, visited a witch named Maggy who lived in the forest near Casterly Rock. Cersie demanded that Maggy tell her fortune. Maggy tasted a drop of Cersie's blood and revealed to Cersei she wouldn't marry "the Prince" but "the King", and while the king would have twenty sons, she would bear only three children who will wear golden crowns as well as golden shrouds. Finally, she revealed to Cersei that although she would indeed be Queen, she would be cast down by another, younger and more beautiful queen.

At the age of 19, Cersei married King Robert Baratheon after her father's political maneuvering. While the marriage was one of politics, Cersei was infatuated by the King, and thought of nothing else but being his Queen and loving him forever. It soon became clear to Cersei that Robert didn't love her and never would. Her wake up call was he fucking wedding night while they were in the throws of passion, Robert called Cersei Lyanna! ON HER WEDDING NIGHT! WTF?! Dude! Get your dick together! His heart belonged to another named Lyanna, obviously. Despite this, Cersei gave birth to his son who died shortly after birth. Cersei was heartbroken, and Robert was never there for her. In time, her love for Robert turned to pure hatred. She and Jaime began their incestuous relations again and she bore Jaime three children,Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen. All three were officially passed off as Robert's and Cersie and Jaime's relationship was kept secret.

#Mis-match

Shit get's real years later. When we first meet Cersei, her and her lover/brother, Jaime are discussing Jon Arryn's death. Apparently, Jon Arryn was The Hand of The King(like a trusted assistant sort of thing) and had found out about Cersei's affair with Jaime, but died before he could tell King Robert. Robert and Cersei and the whole royal brood visit Ned Stark and his family at Winterfell. Ned and Robert are good buddies, it's here Robert asks Ned to be his new Hand of the King. Ned is reluctant but agrees. The trip isn't all lollipops and roses. Ned's youngest son, Bran, witnesses the incest between Cersei and Jaime. Jaime pushes him out a window to keep him quiet. Though Bran lives, he's in a comatose state.

"Hey sis, wanna do some sex stuff?"

Cersei just continues being a bitch. Ned bring his daughters, Sansa and Arya to King's Landing with him, but on the way there's a mishap between Joffery and Arya's wolf. Though Arya's wolf was trying to protect her and her friend from Joffery's cruelty, Cersei would hear none of it. Because Arya forced her wolf to run away so it wouldn't be slaughtered, Cersie orders Sansa's wolf be killed instead. Sansa is heartbroken, but she continues to be a dutiful betrothed to the Joffery. 

When at King's Landing, Cersei continues to torture and prod at Sansa, just for fun. While Robert goes out on a hunt, Ed learns the truth about Cersei's children. He stupidly confronts Cersei and suggests she leave before Robert comes back. Fortunately for Cersei, Robert is badly wounded. He dies, but not before naming Ed protector of the Realm. Cersei wastes no time crowning her son Joffery the King. She has Ed arrested and imprisoned. Also while in King's Landing, Cersei partners with some real, real shady guy named Petyr AKA Littlefinger, but this blog post is already going to be INCREDIBLY long, so we're not even getting into that shit. 

Cersei forces Sansa to write to her elder brother, Robb to kneel before Joffery as King in return for her father's life. This infuriates Robb and raises an army to go against King's Landing. Cersei encourages Sansa to make a plea for her father's life to Joffery. Joffery agrees to spare him if Ed recants his claims about him not being the true king. Ned agrees and in front of a the people of King's Landing proclaims Joffery the true King. Then Joffery's all like "Just kidding, Sansa!" and executes Ned in front of her. Cersei is mortified by this. She begins to realize that Joffery is out of control. War erupts between the Starks and the Lannisters, while Cersei continues to keep her son secure on the throne. 

No one's surprised, I mean Sean Bean's character always dies.

Cersei continues to govern under the title Queen Regent. She also continues to defend her psycho son and his title as war rages. With everyone calling her son's entitlement to the Iron Throne into question, Cersei orders a city wide massacre of all of Robert's bastard children. She continues to manipulate and bitch her way in King's Landing and it's quite amazing to watch. When Tyrian sends Cersei's only daughter off to get married to secure relations with a neighboring Kingdon, Cersei vows to destroy him by taking something he loves. Which she does, or thinks she does. She has a prostitute kidnapped and beaten, thinking it was Tyrian's lover. It wasn't and Cersei ends up looking stupid to Tyrian. 

Look at all my gold shit!

When the War of the 5 Kings comes to Cersei's door, she gather's all the ladies of the Court in her quarters, including Sansa Stark who she takes great pleasure in mentally tormenting while drinking a whole bunch of wine. Her brother Tyrian demands that Joffery fight to defend the castle, which infuriates Cersei. She thinks Tyrian is purposely trying to kill her son. She calls her son to stay in the safety of the quarters with her, while Tyrian bravely battles off the enemies. Tyrian is wounded badly, but is never rewarded for his bravery. He is instead pushed aside by Cersei who gives all the glory to her father Tywin. After the battle of King's Landing, Cersei humiliates Sansa Stark, yet again, by persuading Joffery to marry Margaery Tyrell instead.

Cersei begins growing dissatisfied with Margaery who begins ruling with kindness and love for the people, as opposed to Cersei who only knows how to rule by making the people fear her. When Cersei tries to dissuade Joffrey from marrying Margaery, she's left cut off from him. Leaving her completely powerless over her own son. Later, Cersei is told she will be married to Loras Tyrell, Margaery's brother. Cersei protests this, but her father commands it and tells her that it would put to rest the rumors of her and Jaime. 

#MySonIsPsycho

Tyrian and Sansa are forced to get married. During this ceremony, one of the bitchiest scenes in GoT happens between Margaery and Cersei. When Margaery tries to make peace with Cersei and calls her "sister", Cersei coolly replies "If you ever call me sister again, I'll have you strangled in your sleep." YAS! GOD I LOVE HER! 

It doesn't really matter though... Cersei continues having problems with Joffrey. At a meeting with her father Tywin, they learn Robb Stark and Catelyn have died, Joffery proclaims he wants Robb's head to serve to Sansa (Robb's sister) at his wedding reception. Cersei tries to pass it off as a joke, but Joffrey insists that he's serious. He even calls Tywin a coward. At the reception of Joffrey and Margaery, Joffrey is fatally poisoned. He dies in Cersei's arms. In a blind rage, Cersei has Tyrian arrested, because in Cersei's mind, everything is Tyrian's fault. 

Everyone is happy your son is dead, except for you. Get a clue gurl.

Tyrian escapes, but not before killing her their father Tywin. Cersei faces the loss of her son and father, and turns to the only man she's ever been able to count on... her brother Jaime. Gross. 

Funerals in this Realm are creepy. 

Cersei's youngest son, Tommen, becomes King and marries Margaery. Cersei really hates Margaery and tries to turn Tommen against her. Tommen subtly suggests that Cersei should give up her title as Queen Mother and go back to Casterly Rock if she felt that way. Cersei quickly shut up. 

Resting Bitch-Face has never looked so good.

Cersei makes the stupidest decision ever. She decides to join forces with a crazy religious group called the Sparrows. She gives them military power to punish the wicked, including her own family. It's soon revealed that Cersei has done this all to get Loras Tyrell out of her hair. Because Loras is super gay, Loras is arrested by the Sparrows and put on trial. Margaery, his sister, is devastated for her brother who is being kept is dark chambers and treated badly. Loras' lover testifies that Margaery knew about his escapades with Loras and she's arrested and thrown in the cells as well. Cersei is LOVING this. Everything is going according to her plan, even though Tommen is heartbroken about it. 

"Oh Tommen, your wife looks like a whore. You should dump her."

Cersei visits Margaery in her cell, pretty much to gloat, but being very subtle about it. Margaery argues that she knows Cersei engineered everything, but Cersei is just loving every minute of it. 

"Sorry I made your wife go to jail... not."

It isn't long before Cersei herself winds up in a cell after Lancel, her cousin, confesses that they both shared carnal relations while Jaime was away and while she was still married to King Robert. Cersei swears revenge to those who imprison her and remains stubborn for several days. She finally abandons her pride and confesses to the charges

FUCK!

As her punishment, she is stripped naked and is forced to walk the streets to her castle while the people of the Kingdom insult her and throw varies items at her. When she finally gets back, the only person who welcomes her is Qyburn, her weird scientist/magician friend. Qyburn then introduces Cersei to the newest member of the King's Guard, a manufactured 7-8 foot tall man in golden armor. The giant guard picks Cersei up and carries her to Qyburn's chambers to bandage her feet, which are badly injured. As she's carried away, Cersei's eyes light up with vengeance. 

"Well... Karma sucks."

Dayum that was long. 

Whether you like Cersei or not, you can't deny she's one fierce bitch. She only cares about someone if A) they're her family or B) They can do something for her and/or her family. I'm making no qualms here, she's absolutely horrible. Lena Heady and the writers do a fantastic job at making this character terrible. Lena Heady herself, has stated that she plays Cersei as if she's a wayward 15 year old girl in a woman's body who's never had proper parenting.

Most of the problems with Cersei can indeed be centered around her lack of supervision as a child. She's always had everything she's ever wanted, everything but a penis. It's true, I feel like Cersei is jealous and resentful of men. In this society, she's looked down upon because she's a woman. It frustrates her, because at the end of the day she has to watch these men she thinks inferior make decisions that she feels could have been better. 

The restraints placed on Cersei because of her sex have taken a toll on her. She's often blinded by her ambition and need to stay relevant. To her, not having power is as good as being dead. She doesn't want to be like the countless women before her and disappear into the background. This is why I think Cersei does these horrible things. She justifies her actions by her own sense of morality because she feels she can't play by the rules of everyone else. She's above everyone else, she's a hybrid. She's not a man, but at the same time she's not an average woman. She's a Queen, a Lannister and probably in her mind a god. She looks down on other women for their weaknesses, but refuses to acknowledge her own. She blames society or her father for her faults, never herself. Nothing is ever the great Cersei Lannister's fault. 

This being said, she has major man issues. She fucks her brother because he's the only man who has ever been there for her unconditionally. She knows he'll never leave her. He's of the same family and stature, she knows he doesn't want anything she has because he already has it. He too is a Lannister and her equal.

#gross

Another interesting thing about Cersei is her relationships with her children. Her lack of parental guidance shows in abundance when it comes to parenting her own children. She's a poor moral guide for them. She dotes on them, cherishes them, but doesn't treat them like children. She treats them more like extensions of herself. She has convinced herself that she is concerned with their welfare, but when the chips are down she's not so much worried about what is best for them, more about someone taking them away from her. 

This isn't the only case where she deludes herself about her children. With Joffrey, she has built this whole plan up in her mind for Joffrey he's entire childhood. She's convinced herself that he will be the greatest, bravest King the Seven Kingdoms has ever known. When Joffrey does infact become King, and even before that, Cersei completely blinds herself to Joffrey's reckless and completely bat-shit-crazy actions. She can't face that her oldest son is a psychopath, not until the end after all the damage is done. It's one of times Cersei questions herself. She wonders if Joffrey's mental state was a punishment for her incestuous relationship with Jaime. 

Her sense of entitlement is another factor we have to address. She's the daughter of the most powerful man in the Realm. She also is the Queen mother. She thinks that she can do whatever she wants without repercussions, though, along the way she learns this isn't true. When her actions finally catch up to her, Cersei refuses to believe it. I think she's in shock when she's imprisoned by the Sparrows. For the first time... something bad is happening to her because of something she has done. Never before have their been direct consequences such as this for her actions. 

YAAASSSSS!!! QUEEN!!!!

It's hard to not feel sorry for Cersei as she's walking through the rough streets of King's Landing. She's naked, broken and covered in refuse the people who once feared her have thrown at her. She's mocked and ridiculed by those who are, in her mind, lesser than her. When she finally gets back to the castle, she's met with coldness. The only person to show her any kindness is a crazy doctor she's hired. She has lost everything. The only thing she's living for now is sweet, sweet vengeance. 

"Do I deserve this? .... Yeah probably."

Under all the bitch, I do feel like Cersei is a hurt little girl. Her father favored her twin brother, Jaime his entire life, only using her to marry into royalty. Then, her betrothed, Robert Baratheon, the only other man besides Jaime she's ever loved, revealed on the night of their wedding that his heart would always belong to another woman who died long ago. These sorts of things have to take a toll on the woman. 

In the end, it doesn't really matter, we're going to continue loving to hate this woman as long as the show continues... or at least as long as her character lives, with this damn show you never know. 

Next Season WILL. BE. MINE!

VILLAIN SCORE: MORE WINE

Underrated Movies - Wicker Park (2004)

Director:Paul McGuigan
Writers: Gilles Mimouni (film L'Appartement), Brandon Boyce (screenplay)
Stars: Josh Hartnett, Rose Byrne, Diane Kruger and Matthew Lillard

After Matthew's (Josh Hartnett) girlfriend, Lisa (Diane Kruger) seems to disappear without a trace, he moves on with his life and becomes a successful advertising agent with a beautiful fiancee. Two years later, things seems to be going fine until he thinks he spots Lisa at a restaurant, which leads him to put his life on hold to finally find his long-lost love. As he begins to put the pieces of the puzzle together it leads him down a path of mystery and obsession all in his old neighborhood of Wicker Park.  

Dammit Josh! Put the paper down!

Something funny happened the other night, I was brushing my teeth, and for some reason, I thought about this movie and how much I loved it. I made a mental note to see if it was on Netflix. Turns out, I didn't have to, this past weekend, I discovered I had all the HBO channels as a special promotion to try to get me to buy all the HBO channels.  Low and behold, I spotted this movie in the line-up. I'm psychic or something I swear! I re-visited it and it turns out, I love it even more than I already did! 

Ooooh... heeeeeey Diane Kruger. How you doin'?

What makes this movie so fucking good is how subtle it is. Little things happen in the beginning of the movie, little things you really don't think anything about. Later on, you realize how important these things are to the actual story. The problem is, Wicker Park has been a victim of it's time. It came out in 2004, kinda the beginning of the digital age. I feel like this movie is lost on people of the present, and it makes me sad. 

I see we're going for the "Pale Tammy Faye" look.

After I watched the movie this last time, I did a little research (Despite what you may think, yes, I actually do research before I blog here!) I noticed that a lot of reviews were initially negative. Many critics hailed the movie as unbelievable, with a plot that has too many coincidences to really be taken seriously. Some people say the entire story of the movie could have been solved with one email or text message. THIS in essence is what wrong with Wicker Park, 

Damn Rose Byrne, you've come a LOOOONG way since 2004

Wicket Park is an intelligent. romantic-thriller. It's not one of these movies you can watch while writing a Facebook post or Twitting. The movie demands your attention. Keep in mind this movie is a remake of the 1996 French film, L'Appartement. In 1996, we hadn't come very far with technology, not as far as we had in 2004. I've never seen the original film for which Wicker Park is based, but according to many reviews, the director stayed extremely true to the original plot. While L'Appartement is regarded as a masterpiece, Wicker Park is generally shit on. I feel like the American audience couldn't respond the intricate, well-built plot. Many reviews on IMDB said this movie was too hard to follow. In this current world of Michael Bay shittaculars and reality TV, audiences are too used to having plots laid out for them. This is why Wicker Park has not survived the test of time. 

"It's cold out here... but you know what's warm? MY DIIAAACK!" 

Now, lets actually talk about the movie itself. I can see where people could possibly get confused with the timeline, however, I watched this when I was a high-school freshman and followed it perfectly. The first half of the movie follows Matthew, who seems to have his life together. He has a fiancee and an amazing job in advertisement. At a business lunch, Matthew thinks he's caught a glimpse of his former girlfriend, Lisa, who virtually disappeared two years earlier. He pretty much puts his life on hold to track her down and find out what really happened. 

Get some blinds! Curtains! Something! Pervs!

As Matthew continues investigating, he has flashbacks to two years ago when he was a photographer and dating the beautiful dancer, Lisa. Their relationship gets serious, and soon Matthew asks Lisa to move in with him, She doesn't give him an answer, but promises to meet him the next day. When she doesn't show up, Matthew learns that Lisa has ran off to join a dance troupe in Europe without any explanation. Thinking he scared Lisa away, a brokenhearted Matthew moves on with his life. 

You're hair is stupid.

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

"You're a psycho-bitch-whore aren't you?"

Half-way through the film, it's revealed that both Matthew and Lisa have been manipulated by Alex, Lisa's best friend who's desperately in-love with Matthew. We then get to see the story from Alex's perspective and how she has continuously done her absolute best to fuck up everyone's Christmas. It's revealed that Alex has been the one who has kept the two lovers a part out because of her jealousy of Lisa and her obsession with Matthew. In the end, all the pieces of the puzzle come together and we, as an audience are like "Oooooh! That's what that was! That's why that happened!" It's through Alex's point of view and flashbacks we learn the true story of what's really been happening in Wicker Park. 

"Look, I'm secretly jealous of you and been keeping you from love. We're still BFFs right?"

The acting in this movie is very well done. Josh Hartnett is great. Desperation and determination are emotions Mr. Hartnett does well. Diane Kruget is good too, she's not in it a lot, but the parts she's in are memorable enough. Matthew Lillard plays his typical Matthew Lillard role. The good-time guy who loves women and sex. It's Rose Byrne's who really steals the show. She's only in half the movie, but her portrayal of a homely Alex, a desperate, obsessive, pathological liar and psychopath is definitely the stand-out performance of this movie. 

Get this girl a drink... and a strait-jacket.

Every actor does a superb job. Each scene is done with incredible emotion from all parties. Instead of relying on email or cell phones to move the audience through the plot, we rely on the character's emotions and wit. The plot unfolds beautifully and a lot of it has to do with the stand-up acting. 

Wicker Park? More like WINTER Park! HEEEYOOO! I'll show myself out.

The style of the movie is very artsy, reflecting the neighborhood of Wicker Park itself. I really enjoyed the artsy aspect of the film, though I can see how some would think it was trying too hard. It saddens me that this film will always be seen as a flop. Another American re-make of a foreign film gone wrong. I feel like it's not given a fair chance, but whatever, I still love it. Check it out, that is, if you can stay away from your smart phone for a couple of hours.