It Follows (2014)

Director:

David Robert Mitchell

Writer:

David Robert Mitchell

Stars:

Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist, Olivia Luccardi 

A young woman is followed by a relentless. supernatural entity after a sexual encounter. 

That's it. That's the plot of the movie. You can go shave your back hair now!

OMG! That dress is terrible. 

It Follows is a great example of a movie that's beautifully done... but is terrible at the same time. The movie has a retro vibe to it. Everything in the movie looks like it was purchased from Goodwill. Leftover props from the late 80's to 90's are strewn throughout the movie, but it's not necessarily trying to be retro or "cool". It's very subtle. 

Gurl! Have respect for yourself! Make him take you to a La Quinta at least!

Every review I've read for this movie keeps calling it a "Modern Horror Story!" I agree. It is a very new sort of story. The story is about a young girl having sex with a dude who, afterwards, informs her of a strange entity that will follow her and try to kill her until she passes it on to someone else by fucking them. It's like a walking STD that will kill you, and by walking I literally mean walking. This thing never speeds up. It chases this girl relentlessly, but it doesn't run, jump or skip... it walks. It's very unsettling because it's almost like it's not in a hurry to kill her. It knows it will eventually have her and it savors each step it takes toward her annihilation. I kind of imagine it saying: "Bitch, I don't even need to run, I'm gonna get yo ass eventually!"

Granny wants your soul.

The camera work is fantastic and the director knows how to create an atmosphere of dread and unease. Mitchell is extremely talented at dialing up the suspense or flat-lining it on a moments notice. He creates this very tense progression that just builds and builds, sometimes it pays off, other times it doesn't. Yes, there are some lame jump scares thrown in, but they weren't annoying. The movie mainly relies of the slow build of terror and the constant state of tension. The monster doesn't suddenly pop out from behind a tree and go "BOO!" No, you see this monster coming from a mile away and it's intense. 

A refreshing aspect of this film was the supporting characters. In so many horror films the friends don't believe the main protagonist when something fucked is happening. The frustrated begs and pleas for belief are not in this film. The friends are totally supportive and willing to help out however they can. Though they can't see whatever is following her, they believe her and are totally ride or die bitches, even going as far to help her come up with ways to kill it. 

"Yeah we think you cray, but we'll totes support you!"

Another thing to point out is this movie is VERY surreal. It's littered with David Lynch-type imagery throughout. It's kind of like Twin Peaks on steroids. It ain't fucking around. Sometimes this is done with a very light touch, other times it's thrown in your face like a hot cup of coffee. For instance: There's a scene where this entity takes the form of a disheveled teenage girl, wearing only one tube sock and peeing herself. What was the point? Why was she peeing herself? Things like this seem to only be thrown in for the sake of fuckery and have no real point. 

You be straight up trippin'.

While this movie wasn't the worst, it needed a few tweaks. It Follows takes itself far too seriously. It's about a walking STD coming to kill you! Can we have a little camp thrown in? I know STD's are serious and all that, but I mean.... come on! Let's have a little fun with it! It's almost like the movie takes it's theme to the point of extreme. It's as if the write/director is sitting next to you, poking and prodding you throughout saying: "See what I did? See what I did? This represents the real fear young people have of STD's I just made it more literal! See? See?" I FUCKING GET IT! 

Oh hai!

The movie can get a bit pretentious at times, trying to connect things and have deep meanings or some other bullshit. It's not done well. It's obvious in it's trying to make some spiritual sense of everything, but in the end it falls flat and just adds more time and tediousness to the already sprawling story line. There are times I just want to shake the director and yell "GET TO THE POINT! END THIS ALREADY!" At the same time... this is the directors SECOND movie. I'm cutting some slack, plus I appreciate he wrote and directed the movie. Mad props to you sir. 

OMG! It really does follow!

I've read other reviews of this movie, and many are disappointed that you never find out what this thing that follows is. We never do find out the origin of the monster(entity? Ghost? Mutant?), or exactly what it is. It's left a mystery. I know I'm the odd man out here, but I'm fine with it. I would have been extremely disappointed if they had that whole series of cliche' scenes where they go to a university/paranormal investigator/retired professor/psychic/whatever and everything is explained from an ancient book that somehow this person of knowledge has. I'm extremely glad we didn't have those scene because A) It would have made the movie MUCH longer and B) It didn't need it. 

"Hey y'all! I'm just an evil naked entity crossing train tracks!"

Besides the superb production and original plot, the aspect of leaving the audience in a shroud of mystery is the strongest aspect this film has going for it. Knowing what It is would just ruin the illusion. It's kinda like the show Lost, once you know whats in the hatch, you just don't care anymore. 

Let's all go into the foreboding house! YAY!

With all that being said and to end on a positive note, I'm extremely impressed by this movie. I think It Follows has opened the door for more horror films like this to be made. For far too long, the genre of horror has seems to have been an after-thought by studios. There has been no real art or effort put into them. They've just been a quick way to make money. It Follows shows hope for the genre. Yes, a horror film can be well done and aesthetically pleasing. Yes, you can make a horror movie that relies on tension and true terror more than cheap jump scares and buckets of blood thrown at the camera. Maybe some filmmakers will finally see the light and start making horror a serious genre again instead of the punchline it's been over the past few years. I truly hope It Follows is a start of a revolution where filmmakers see that horror audiences want well thought-out story lines and artful production more than 3D, gimmicky gore and torture porn. 

BITCH! I done told you I didn't want a doggie door!

Fab Five Friday - Alfred Hitchcock Films

Uh oh. I'm prepared for the push back on this one..."DUSTIN! You're stupid and ignorant! These aren't Hitchcock's best films by a long shot! You suck!" Sorry not sorry. These are MY personal favorite Hitch movies, I didn't say they were his best work or most celebrated, or whatever. This is my personal opinion. I think most people, at least those somewhat versed in cinema, have a couple of standout Hitchcock films. These are mine, though I'll admit it was REALLY hard to narrow it down to just five. You'll notice I didn't put The Birds on here, though It definitely is my favorite Hitchcock film. I've already done an entire blog post devoted to it which you can read here. Okay, so here they are! The 5 Hitch movies I chose that many film critics out there will judge me forever on! 

Rear Window (1954)

Starring: James Stewart, Grace Kelly, Thelma Ritter and Wendell Corey

After breaking his leg, Jeff (James Stewart) is laid up in his apartment which overlooks his apartment building's courtyard for several weeks. To entertain himself he watches his neighbors live their lives. This seemingly harmless activity soon turns into a nightmare when Jeff believes he's witnessed a man murder his wife. Now it's up to him, his girlfriend (Grace Kelly) and his nurse (Thelma Ritter) to solve the crime before the man gets away. 

"Tell me everything you saw...and what...you think it means."

This movie is interesting because it's all shown from the point of view from a window in an apartment. We never see any other perspective. Hitchcock did this so masterfully! It should also be noted that NONE of this took place outside. Everything was shot on a sound stage at Paramount Studios. James Stewart is perfect, as usual, in any role you cast him in. Grace Kelly is absolutely enchanting. This is by far my favorite role Grace Kelly has ever played. She plays Jimmy's girlfriend who wants him to commit to her. Though she's a pampered, classy socialite, she still has no problem getting her hands dirty and helping solve the crime. She's excellent as a Hitchcock leading lady. 

Rear Window at the IMDB

Psycho (1960)

Starring: Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, John Gavin and Janet Leigh

Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) goes on the run after stealing $40,000 from her employer's client. She checks into the Bates Motel, run by young man (Anthony Perkins) who's under the thumb of his overbearing mother. After she disappears, her sister (Vera Miles) and her lover (John Gavin) search for her, leading to a horrifying conclusion. 

"A boy's best friend is his mother."

This is one of the greatest horror films every to hit the silver screen. It's absolutely perfect. The studio had no faith in Hitchcock and Psycho. They gave him a very limited budget, so he filmed it with only $800,000 and a VERY limited theatrical release. The film was one of his biggest hits and grossed over 30 million dollars.  It's such a shame that Anthony Perkins' career was tainted by his excellent performance in this film. He was definitely the star, though Janet Leigh's screams in the iconic shower scene will forever haunt the dreams of pop culture and audience's everywhere. 

Psycho at the IMDB

Vertigo (1958)

Starring: James Stewart, Kim Novak and Barbara Bel Geddes

A retired San Francisco detective (James Stewart) suffering from acrophobia becomes dangerously obsessed with an old friend's wife (Kim Novak) whom he's hired to look after. His obsession leads him into a vicious plot of lust, greed and murder. 

"If I let you change me, will that do it? If I do what you tell me, will you love me?"

This movie is just EVERYTHING a good movie is supposed to be. If you asked me to present you one movie that, in my mind, that is absolutely the perfect piece of cinema, I'd have to go with Vertigo. The acting, the story, the production... it's just sick-to-death. Kim Novak is also one of the greatest actresses ever. She can give you anything you want in a role, as she proves in spades in this film. If you haven't seen it yet, go now. Stop what you're doing and get this immediately. 

Vertigo at the IMDB

Rebecca (1940)

Starring: Joan Fontaine, Laurence Olivier, George Sanders and Judith Anderson

After moving into her newlywed husband's (Laurence Olivier) massive mansion, a self-conscious bride (Joan Fontaine) is relentlessly haunted by the memory of her husband's deceased wife and mentally tormented by the sinister head maid who still adores her (Judith Anderson). 

"You wouldn't think she'd been gone so long, would you? Sometimes, when I walk along the corridor, I fancy I hear her just behind me."

I watched this movie after reading the book "Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier, for which this movie was based on. I was so pleasantly surprised. Hitchcock took a novel that was already mysterious and suspenseful and made it even more nerve-racking! Though the book and movie aren't mirror images of one another, they hardly ever are, Hitchcock still manages to make the movie and story flow while still remaining faithful to the original work. The standout role is definitely Judith Anderson as the wicked head maid, Mrs. Danvers. She steals the show. Joan Fontaine was very well suited for this role and shines as a nameless character. One thing I'm glad Hitchcock didn't do, he didn't show a flashback of the mysterious Rebecca at all. He kept her exactly as she should be, a ghost from the past. 

Rebecca at IMDB

Marnie (1964)

Starring:  Tippi Hedren, Sean Connery and Diane Baker

A pathological liar and habitual thief, Marnie (Tippi Hedren) is forced to marry one of her targets, Mark (Sean Connery) after he catches her stealing. He tries to break through her icy exterior and help her confront her psychological issues before she's lost forever. 

"You don't love me. I'm just something you've caught! You think I'm some sort of animal you've trapped!"

This isn't everyone's favorite, and I understand why. Marnie is actually the last M in Hitchcock's Trippe M Trinity; Marion (Janet Leigh's character in Psycho.), Melanie (Tippi Hedren's character in The Birds) and Marnie. Psycho is the crime, The Birds is the punishment and Marnie is forgiveness. Marnie was panned by critics and audiences, but it's only in recent years that critics have perked up and taken notice of Marnie and what an exceptional film it really is. The reason Marnie suffered so, is because of the drama between him and Tippi Hedren behind the scenes. Hitchcock wanted to be sexual with her, but she refused his many advances. Marnie, in many ways, is Hitchcock's own fantasy. Trapping Tippi Hedren in a relationship and having his way with her, that was a dream he could only realize in Marnie. 

Marnie at the IMDB

Honorable Mentions: Suspicion (1941), Dial M for Murder (1954), To Catch a Thief (1955) and Notorious (1946)

Now, sashay away.

Ouija (2014)

Director:Stiles White

Writers: Juliet Snowden (screenplay), Stiles White (screenplay)
Stars: Olivia Cooke, Ana Coto, Daren Kagasoff, Bianca A. Santos. Douglas Smith and Shelley Hennig

After the untimely loss of their friend, a group of friends attempt to contact her spirit through her Ouija board she had been playing with before she passed. They soon realize they've made a terrible mistake once the spirit begins to manifest itself in disturbing ways. 

There is no way this could end poorly.

I just really want movie makers to give more fucks! Is that too much to ask? Yeah, so I watched this. I had my hopes up because I thought this was going to be somewhat of a remake of the 1986 horror classic Witchboard, I was sorely mistaken. This is just a run of the mill horror film a studio thoughtlessly churned out to have a cash cow for the Halloween season. Almost ZERO thought was put into making this movie and it shows in almost every aspect. 

So much denim...

The beginning of the film shows a hot blonde girl named Debbie (Shelley Hennig) burning an Ouija board. I really kinda wish that was then ending, but it kept going. For some reason her friend, Laine (Olivia Cooke), is calling her from in front of her house asking her where she is. Here's a fucking thought! RING THE DOORBELL!!! I don't know why this scene made me so mad, but it did! WHY ARE YOU CALLING HER! I'd understand if Laine was in a car waiting for her to come out, but she's not! She's literally in her front yard calling her. Whatever, moving on. So after burning this Ouija board, Debbie goes outside to see Laine and their all like "OMG! Like, are you going to the basketball game?" "Like, no, I'm going to stay home." "Like, are you okay? OMG?" "Yah, I've been playing with a Ouija board and it's totally weird." "OMG Bye!" "Bye!'

The wardrobe department just raided a guy's closet from the 90's.

So Laine and Debbie talk and Debbie is being all weird, she doesn't go to some basket ball game with Laine, so Laine goes on without her. Debbie then has some bullshit experience in the kitchen with a door opening and a burner turning itself on. After that she goes upstairs, sees the Ouija board she thought she had burnt on her bed. She picks up the planchette, looks through the glass thingy, takes some decorative Christmas lights from her room, still lit up and hangs herself. That's the beginning. 

As the movie goes on, Laine, her younger sister and her friends, decide to play with the Ouija board because they're looking for closure. They each begin having disturbing events and they also begin dying one by one. It's pretty obvious from the get-go who's going to live and who's going to die. Now, lets talk about my problems with this film. 

"Sure! Dolls are creepy! Lets throw a doll in there for fun!" - Movie Makers

So after Debbie hangs herself with Christmas lights that were decorating her room, they show her room again when Laine is having a heart to heart with Debbie's mother, THE LIGHTS ARE THERE. WTF?!?!?! Either she got new lights to put in her dead daughter's room, or she used the damn lights her daughter's suicide. Whatever. We're also not really sure what age these kids are. We know that have classes and stuff, but it isn't until they show them in a hallway with lockets that we're sure they're in high school. Sooo... where are their parents? In the beginning of the movie, Laine's father goes on some business trip or something, leaving her to care for her younger sister who's supposed to be like... 15? 16? WE DON'T KNOW! Nothing is explained to us. They're not helping us connect to these characters at all. And it's not like these kids look like they're in their teens. None of them look the age they're portraying. They all look like they're in their early-late 20's. 

You fucked up your mouth gurl. 

It also shows one of the "teens" working at a diner, she leaves, goes home and... no ones there? Really? Where are the parents? Another kid dies when he comes home, no one's there. WTF? And they're allowed to roam about freely at all hours of the night, all over town? I really don't understand. I guess kids are more independent these days??? I don't know. I can't even blame the sub-par acting on the actors, I blame the material they were given. All the characters were poorly written and developed. 

Of course we need a creepy kid! Why not!

As far as the horror goes, it's pretty good. There were definitely some scenes that gave me the creeps. The scary bits were done very well, for this I give the movie some credit. The story was okay, a bit simplistic and predictable, but okay. I wasn't expecting some deep, psychological, mind-twisting story, but I was expecting the person writing the story to give more fucks. There are definitely no Oscars or accolades being won here, nor do I feel this movie even tried to get those. Like I said before, this was a movie that was churned out by the studio to make a quick buck, nothing else. What bothers me is the complete lack of effort put into the details and story,

That broach makes the outfit.

If plot holes, poor character development, bad directing and terrible acting doesn't bother you, and you're in the mood for some chills and thrills, then give this a shot, but only if it's like... free or your friends made the mistake of buying it and watched it and you dug it out of their trash. Wow... I am a bitch. 

Someone needs a manicure!

Fab Five(ish) Friday: Disney Annimated Films

Cinderella

SCANDAL!

When I think of the classic fairy-tale Cinderella the first thing that comes to mind is Disney's version. Disney has monopolized on these classics and really made them their own. As a kid, I used to pretend mice and birds were helping me get ready while I sang and washed up in the shower. Speaking of songs, Cinderella isn't too strong in the music department. It doesn't have any truly epic songs like later Disney films. Today when I watch it I still laugh out loud at Lucifer's tea cup scene and still fill brokenhearted for Cinderella when the Step-Sisters rip a part her dress. I mean, those blue beads were GORGEOUS with that pink dress! Them mice and birds knew how to accessorize!

GURL! Dem beads are EVERYTHING!

To me the blue dress Fairy Godmother made her was never as good as the pink one. I know a lot of you are all like "Dustin, you're crazy! That blue dress was off the chain!" Yeah I know it was, but that pink dress was made out of love by mice and birds for her! I can't imagine being a mouse or a bird and making a whole goddamn dress. All the Fairy Godmother did was say "Bibbidy-bobbity-boo!" and BOOM the dress was done! No thought went into it whatsoever. I feel like we went off on a tangent here, but yeah, know you know how I feel. You're welcome.

AHHHH!!! 

Mulan

YAAAASSSSSSS!!!! I LOVE THIS ONE!!! Fun fact: This was the last Disney animated film I went to see in theaters until my sisters dragged me to Finding Nemo. Mulan is just amazing in all aspects! I love the story, the music, the animation style... just everything was on point for this one.

Always match your foundation to your neck! Not your taint!

If you haven't seen Mulan, first off: GET YOUR DICK TOGETHER AND WATCH IT! Second of all: It takes place in ancient China and It's about a young, tom-boyish girl who doesn't quite fit in anywhere. When the infamous Huns attack their land, One man from every household in China must go off to battle. Mulan's elderly and ill father is called to war. Mulan, being a woman, is unable to fight for him. Knowing that he'll certainly die, she disguises herself as a man and enters the army along with her Eddie Murphy dragon, horse and lucky cricket.

Shang, sorry buddy, I don't think she's interested. It's okay, we've been there.

Mulan has some awesome music in it. I can still sing almost every song by heart. "Honor to Us All,""I'll Make a Man Out of You," "A Girl Worth Fighting For" and my favsie "Reflection." I felt a special bond with the character of Mulan. I felt like we both were outcasts, and often shamed for who we were. I think this resonated with a lot of kids at the time.

BADASS!

Aladdin

"Touch it! Touch it I say!" #SleepingBeautyFlashback

Looking at Aladdin now, it's kinda messed up. It's pretty much about this guy lying and manipulating everyone so he could hook up with a girl. Think about that for a second. BOOM you're childhood is ruined! You're welcome!

See! Lying and manipulating ALWAYS gets you whatever you want!

The highlight of the film is obviously Genie, played by the late, great Robin Williams (Pours one out.). Even today, this movie cracks me up. The songs were epic in this movie too! Typical Disney! Jafar was an awesome villain! I remember being so scared and on edge when he turned into a snake! That was a questionable decision on Disney's part.

Awww! RIP Robin Williams. 

Beauty and the Beast

I had a hard time including this one, in fact, this is one that made my Fab Five into Fab Six. I couldn't leave Beauty and the Beast out. If you were around the age of 5 when this came out, you know what I mean. It was an extremely special movie to us. I think I dragged my poor grandfather back to the movie theater at least seven times to see this one.

Gaston Angry! Gaston SMASH!

I loved all the little household objects that talked and sang. I think that was my favorite part. I loved Mrs. Potts so much that I even had a porcelain tea set with her and Chip(I'm sure it costs my mother a TON.). The slutty feather duster was probably my favorite though "Oh! I've been burned by you before!" Anyone remember that? No? Just me? Okay cool.

The music is fucking amazing. At this point do I even have to say it? I mean "Belle," "Gaston," "Be Our Guest," "Something There"... they were all awesome. I think what you're supposed to take away from this movie is that "outer beauty is only skin deep and it's what's on the inside that counts," whatever. Thank God the Beast turned into a normal looking guy at the end! Can you imagine what kinda ugly-ass babies Belle and him would have had if he stayed the Beast? Gross.

Sorry, I wouldn't drink that tea.

The Little Mermaid

That's like... a REALLY big bow. Just sayin.

Can we talk about this for a minute? Like, can we take a moment and talk about how completely OBSESSED I was with this movie? The Little Mermaid, though released in 1989, had a resurgence in the early 90's making Disney even MORE money! The reason for the resurgence in it's popularity was because Disney made the controversial move of releasing in on video in 1990. Before  Mermaid, Disney simply re-released a film back into theaters every 7 years, which sucks. That kinda crap would NEVER fly today.

LIES! He's telling you lies! Never trust a seagull! 

It's about a sixteen-year-old mermaid named Ariel who has an unhealthy obsession with the human world. She desperately wants to be part of that world, but she can't because she's a mermaid and has scaly fins. After he father is a total jerk, Ariel goes to Ursula the sea witch and exchanges her angelic voice for legs because everyone should make a life altering decision at sixteen! She goes to the surface to romance Prince Eric whom she's somehow in-love with though they've never met. Things don't go as planned when Ursula starts interfering, and now Ariel must fight for her Price, her life and her happy ending.

"Trust me,  you won't regret this decision whatsoever!"

I can't tell you how many times I've sung "Part of Your World" it's my all time favorite of all the Disney movie songs. Even today, I still sing it. I don't care. I remember taking forks and trying to brush my hair with them just like Ariel, this got really embarrassing for my mother when we'd go to restaurants.

Yeah.

Sleeping Beauty

I saved the best for last! Just like Vanessa Williams did! This movie is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! The animation style of this film is the best I've ever seen. Alice in Wonderland and Lady and the Tramp were actually done before Sleeping Beauty, and I find this so incredible! The animation style is a complete departure from those films. The movie took almost the entire decade of the 50's to make, and it shows. The attention to detail and the saturation of colors is spectacular. Walt Disney wanted the movie to be a moving piece of Medieval art, and he succeeded in spades.

#TitanicFlashback

While Sleeping Beauty was an artistic triumph, it was a critical failure. Sleeping Beauty was the last fairy-tale genre(The Sword in the Stone doesn't count! It's a fable!) Disney made until The Little Mermaid. Today, Sleeping Beauty has a strong following and is now hailed as one of the best animation films ever made due to it's stylized designs created by painter and art director Eyvind Earle.

Why can't my fairies make ME a crown! Goddammit.

I already blogged about the bad-assery of Maleficent, and how she's the ultimate boss of everything and everyone because she can turn into a FUCKING DRAGON! Prince Phillip is my favorite Disney Prince, because he actually has a fun and interesting personality. The three faeries are great! I love the scene where they're getting everything ready for Aurora's birthday. Were you team "Make it pink!" or team "Make it blue!"? I was Team Blue ALL the way! Pink is so overrated and the blue went better with Aurora's eyes. If you're Team Pink, you're wrong. Your opinion is null and void, thanks for playing!

KEEP IT BLUE!

Honorable Mentions: The Sword in the Stone, The Lion King and Pocahontas.