BRB

With Thanksgiving and work being crazy, I haven't had time to blog. Sorry, deal with it. I'll be back soon, until then, try to remain calm. Here are some of my tips to help you get through this Thanksgiving without dying:

• Don't chew aluminum foil.

• It's okay if crock pots gross you out. 

• Don't use the word "Shall". it makes you sound like a pretentious prick. 

• If you're uncle looks weird, he's fucking weird! DON'T SIT NEXT TO HIM!

• If you feel like the worst person in the world, remember that at least you're not Andy Dick. 

• Don't have sex with him/her! And when you do have sex with him/her, be safe and do it A LOT!

• If you're not driving, make sure you get a Route 44 cup at Sonic and fill it up with wine. It's the only way to do your Black Friday shopping.

• Make sure to keep a 100 dollar bill to bribe a cop/security guard in case he catches you with said Route 44 cup of wine while Black Friday shopping

• Don't worry about hurting your relative's feelings. If you don't want to eat their nasty casserole, don't eat it! Welcome to life! You can do what you want! 

• If you're going to meet your girlfriend's parents this Thanksgiving, be sure to challenge her father to a duel or wrestling match. Your girlfriend will feel honored that you're fighting for her and the father will respect you. 

• Now is the time to start practicing how to wrap presents so you can unwrap all the presents with your name on it, look and see what a relative got you, wrap it back up and then know what kind of present they got you. Now you can either get them an awesome present to make them feel guilty for getting you a shitty present, or you can get them an equally shitty present. 

If you follow all these extremely helpful tips, I know you'll make it through this holiday just fine! 

I'm a fucking wizard!

You're welcome!

Bye!